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Deliberate Oversight (Taghaaful)
Not everything seen should be spoken of, nor everything spoken of should be reprimanded. Life flows more purely when we overlook (minor faults), and fills with affection when we turn a blind eye. So whoever Allaah has blessed with sound intellect and a merciful heart knows that deliberate oversight is not weakness, but elevation; not heedlessness, but wisdom, adorned by the manners of noble souls.
And deliberate oversight is: pretending or feigning to be unaware of your personal rights (deserved), without neglecting the rights of Allaah.
It is a characteristic of noble people, and the Noble Qur'aan has alluded to it in His saying, the Most High:
عَرَّفَ بَعْضَهُ وَأَعْرَضَ عَنْ بَعْضٍ
He made known part of it and ignored part. [At-Tahrim: 3]
Meaning: He showed some reproach but overlooked others.
This is the habit of the noble in dealing with those they love.
And from Aaishah – رضي الله عنها – in the famous Hadith of Ummu Zar', one of them said in describing her husband:
"إِنْ دَخَلَ فَهْدٌ، وَإِنْ خَرَجَ أَسَدٌ، وَلَا يَسْأَلُ عَمَّا عَهِدَ."
"When he enters, he is a cheetah; when he leaves, he is a lion. And he does not ask about what he left behind."
Bukhari (5189) and Muslim (2448) transmitted it.
The cheetah is used as an example for its tranquility and deliberate oversight.
Ibnu Hajar – رحمه الله – said:
"She described him with 'ghaflah' (heedlessness/oversight) upon entering the house, in a manner of praising him."
Fat-hu Al-Bari (9/261).
And deliberate oversight is a compulsory character, especially with one's wife. The Prophet (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) said:
عَرَّفَ بَعْضَهُ وَأَعْرَضَ عَنْ بَعْضٍ
"No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes some of her characteristics, he will be pleased with others."
Muslim (1469) transmitted it.
So whoever seeks perfection has sought what cannot be attained, and whoever overlooks deficiencies will live pleased.
Ibnu Za-idah said:
"Well-being is ten parts, nine of which are in deliberate oversight."
Imam Ahmad was told this, and he said:
"All Well-being is in deliberate oversight!"
Adab Ad-Dunya wa Ad-Din, by Al-Mawardi: 180.
And Ibnu Al-Wardi – رحمه الله – said:
"And overlook matters, for indeed... none achieves praise except one who overlooks."
Al-Kashkool, by Baha' Al-Amili: 1/236.
Thus, do not exhaust yourself – O intelligent one – by scrutinizing faults, nor preoccupy your heart with pursuing mistakes.
For hearts are not won over by anything like deliberate oversight, nor is companionship sustained by anything like gentleness.
Written by
Shaykh Fayṣal Al-Hashidi
Translated by
Abu Juwayriyah Nūruddīn ibn Sulaymān ibn Hārūn Al-Idi An-Nījīrīy
Sulaymān ibn Hārūn Al-'Īdī An-Nījīrī وفقه الله
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